When Kurt Hummel Crumbles and Uses Cute Boys to Pick Up the Pieces
by BananaFanFics
Summary: Kurt Hummel is finally out of Ohio, in the big city of New York on his own and has to begin the ungraceful act of growing up. This proves to be harder than he thought, but with all of his new friends-who happen to all be cute boys, he'll get by. Will contain Kadam, Starkurt, and Kurtbastian (maybe more)in later chapters. Not too Klaine friendly. Tell me what you think :)
1. Chapter 1

Kurt is sad for while, yes. For a while he couldn't even let it go, for a while he had spent every minute of every day thinking about Blaine. He had so many thoughts swirling around his head like hornets, they weren't good, none of them were. They are still so many questions; Why did he cheat, with whom did he cheat, was it an accident, did they go to dinner first, was he better than Kurt, what did he look like, did Blaine top or bottom. It was toxic and mostly superficial, he knows it, but for some reason these are just the things that he chooses to dwell on.

Adam is a good distraction, better than school or his internship, and it does help that he is a total confidence boost. It turns into more than that quickly though, Adam is hot and funny and he takes him out after Adam's Apples rehearsals and pays for him.

"Oh, you _have_ to see my-what my friends call-_British collection_." Adam tells him with a widening smile, and that's always his smile, like he is _always_ becoming increasingly happy, and Kurt likes to think that maybe he, himself has something to do with this.

"I would love to see your British collection." Kurt laughs, eating another fry off Adam's plate, because he felt like he had to order a salad for some stupid reason that he would never give thought to again. "What is this collection of?" He adds with another laugh, not caring when he feels his nose crinkle with it.

"Well, it's of every possession I have gained till I was fourteen and moved here, of course." Adam shrugs and Kurt laughs again because Adam brings that out in him.

"Well, that must be quite the collection than." Kurt says and now they're flirting, and Kurt hasn't flirted in so long and it's fun. Adam is fun.

"You'd be surprised, never been to blessed with funds." Adam explains, smile still in place even though the conversation has veered a little more to the serious route.

"Mm, I understand that." Kurt says politely and slides his hand across the table to caress Adam's, a bold move for him, but Adam's bright smile makes it worth the risk.

"So, come on. Come back to my place." Adam says.

Kurt wants to, but he fears that Adam is looking for sex, and while Kurt is more than interested, he knows that he is not the type to have one night stands-not yet at least. "Uhh, well I would love to, but..." He trails off, cheeks flushing even deeper and he begins to retract his hand, but Adam tightens his grip before he can.

"Give me some credit." He smiles. "I like you, Kurt. Let's be friends." He says and Kurt feels like he should be offended, but he can read Adam's face which is decked with an adoring smile.

"Okay."

They go to back to Adam's, it's a small apartment and on the inside it looks very old English and that causes Kurt to match Adam's goofy smile.

"It's beautiful in here." He says, walking around the circumference of the room, studying the art on the walls and the trinkets on the shelves.

"Beautiful?" Adam frowns, coming back from the tiniest kitchenette in existence, and hands Kurt a glass of wine.

"Yeah, in a rustic way." He adds with an easy smile, and suddenly he just really wants to hug Adam. "Wine?" He gasps, and places a hand over his heart. "I'm but nineteen, sir." He's flirting again and by the smirk he receives he knows Adam loves it just as much as he does.

"But you are _far _beyond those few years, Mr. Hummel." He replies. "Let's watch something British, shall we?"

Kurt chooses Sherlock off Netflix after telling Adam, through giggles, that all of the actors' accents were too thick to understand. They watch half an episode, just sitting next to each other, making stupid comments about things that hold no meaning to the plot, their sides pressed together. It's then that Adam wraps an arm around Kurt's shoulders and Kurt lets his weight fall into the man's side without a thought, but feels joy and heat flushing his cheeks when he realizes that they're cuddling.

Kurt has missed this feeling. At first he didn't like it. He and Blaine would sit down on Blaine's bed, which already felt intimate. They'd watch TV and it was fun, and Kurt was content with that, but after their 'after prom make out session' in the back seat of his car, they felt more like a couple, or at least more like being intimate with each other. So cuddling always felt like it was just a way to touch without actually _touching _touching.

_ "Ew, why are they so creepy, Blaine!" Kurt shrieked and laughed at the movie they were watching. They were both resting back against the pillows of Blaine's bed, legs laid out to full length in front of them. _

_ "You're the creepy one, Mr. Hummel." Blaine chuckled and nudged Kurt in the stomach. They banter for a moment, and that's when Kurt likes Blaine the most, when the boy acts like a rich, proper, private school boy. _

_ Silence fell over them then, leaving to watch the movie that played on Blaine's laptop, which splayed across both of their knees. It took only a few short moments before Blaine leaned his head on Kurt's shoulder and Kurt smiled in response, but after a minute it felt weird, and he could feel his shoulders trembling with the need to be still, not wanting to upset their new position._

_ "This is nice." Blaine sighed contently._

_ "Yup." Kurt replied in a squeak._

_ "You're cute." Blaine smirked, and lifted his head to take Kurt's chin in his hand, forcing the other boy to look at him._

_ "I'm always cute." Kurt pouted playfully. "When will I be hot, or-or sexy?" _

_ Blaine eyes widened and his cheeks flushed a tad, and Kurt should have felt triumphant from the response, but he just felt scared, like he may have done something wrong, stepped over an invisible boundary. "When you do something hot or sexy, Mr. Hummel." Cuddling died with that moment. Anytime they'd try to sit curled into each other after that night, it' would always end in something sexual. It was cute and funny at first, until Kurt realized that the only time Blaine ever touched him was when he was horny._

"Whatcha thinking about?" Adam asks, his nose rubbing lightly at the hair of Kurt's temple.

"Nothing." Kurt sighs.

"Oh, come on." Adam scoffs. "You've gone about fifteen minutes without a witty comment."

Kurt smiles softly and lifts his head a little, pulling back to look up at Adam. "I think that I'm over him." He says, then bites his lip as Adam's brows shoot up.

"Then why are you thinking about him while nestled into my side?" He asks back after a pause.

"Well, I was just thinking about how I like being nestled into _this _side better than his side."

Adam's chuckle ends in a sigh and he lets his head fall back to lean against the couch. He purses his lips and sways his head from side to side before letting his head fall to look at Kurt. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be whatever you want." He says, his eyes bright and sincere.

Kurt mopes for a few days in complete and utter confusion, he tries to talk to Rachel about it a few times but he always gets the same answer.

"Kurt, we moved to New York City, the city of Romance!" She tells him as she twirls around the living room. She's already said this multiple times, but being alone in the loft makes her more animated.

"Yes, but is it smart to just...rush into another relationship?" He asks from where he's lounged on the couch, a throw pillow thrown over his face.

"Of course! Haven't you ever heard of a rebound?" She asks, throwing her arms up and he knows that this is a lot of her just trying to justify whatever she's been doing with Brody.

Kurt takes her advice in the end, mostly just because he really wants to kiss Adam. It's after their 'after Adam's Apples practice milkshakes' that they actually have time to speak. A few of the other members had came with them this time, but Kurt was actually grateful because he really does need some more time to think about how he was going to do this. Part of him wants to just have an honest conversation, to tell Adam about everything that went wrong with Blaine, and then the other part of him just wants to kiss him hard and tell him that he's his now, but both those things are proving to be terrifying.

The other boys woo and wolf whistle when they leave to go back to Adam's together and Kurt blushes deep, but he finds that oddly enough, he likes the attention. "I can drive you home, if you'd like." Adam says with a polite smile.

"absolutely not." Kurt gasps, and then they're flirting again, all the way to Adam's building, all the way up the stairs and all the way over to Adam's couch.

"I-no..." Kurt grumbles, shifting his butt around and Adam watches him with an amused laugh.

"What's that, kitten?" He asks, and Kurt's heart swells at the term of endearment and it makes him flush deeper.

"This couch, it's not...doing it for me." He says finally with a laugh, shifting his butt again.

Adam cocks his head and just watches for another moment, no more laughter but he was wearing an adoring smile. "What'll _do it_ for you?" He asks.

Kurt looks down as he shifts, making it look like he's just concentrating on his movements. "I uh..." He trails off. "We should go to your room." He nods, and sits still, looking up at Adam, eyes shifting from the man's eyes to the wall behind him.

"My room?" Adam asks, placing a hand on Kurt's knee. "So you can lay on my bed?"

"Yeah." Kurt nods.

"Is that a good idea?"

"Yeah." Another nod.

"What about the infamous ex?"

"Not a problem." He answers shortly, and is sure to look into Adam's eyes as he says it.

"Straight to the bedroom?" Adam smirks and cocks his head again.

"Is that bad?" Kurt asks, trying to draw his legs up, but Adam adds more pressure to his knee with his hand to keep them in place.

"Not at all, but will you tell me what you want from all of this?"

"I want you to be my boyfriend." Kurt says without missing a beat.

"I am." Adam smiles widely, and shimmies closer to Kurt, taking his face into his hands before kissing his lips hard.

Adam's lips are thin, and he doesn't hesitate to use tongue and Kurt moans into the kiss and it's so easy to pick up on this new style. He's never kissed someone with such thin lips. His and Blaine's kisses were always the meeting of spongy lips and they were only ever wet when they were too close to orgasm to care. Kurt moans into the kiss again, and it is liberating because he doesn't have to be quiet so parents or brothers won't hear them.

"Bed." Adam says against his lips, his voice low like Blaine's would get when he was turned on and Kurt knows that he shouldn't be comparing him to Blaine so much, but this was only his second sexual experience ever and he couldn't really help it.

"Bed." He agreed standing when Adam did. Adam throws an arm around Kurt's shoulder and steers him into his room. This time Kurt takes no time to look around and throws himself back onto the bed.

"You are gorgeous." Adam tells him and Kurt's breath stops for a moment because he had never been called such a word ever in his whole life. After taking his shirt off, Adam lays over him, sucking kisses being placed all along the long line of Kurt's neck.

Kurt arches into it and lets out another moan, his hands coming up to grip the Adam's strong biceps, not as large as Blaine's, but harder. He slides his hands up the hard muscles to run down the man's back, feeling every smooth line and crevasse, and he moans again when he feels a scar.

Adam pulls back to look down into his eyes and Kurt is finding it only a little difficult to look back, those eyes aren't the ones he's used to seeing and those eyes are just as new to him as he is to them and that thought is terrifying. His head is cleared when Adam presses his hips down and their erections are thrust together.

"Oh god, Adam!" Kurt groans out, one hand moving from Adams back to tangle in his loose, wavy, blonde hair.

"Feels so good, love." Adam mutters, pressing his forehead to Kurt's. "Going to get rid of these pesky trousers now." He kisses him before he rolls off to do as said, looking at Kurt to do the same.

"Gonna have sex with me?" He asks and flushes when the question sounds stupid aloud.

"That was the idea, kitten." Adam says with an adoring smile.

"Okay." He says back and slips his pants off, then flips so that he's laying on his stomach before the discards his black boxer briefs. He hears what sounds like a whimper come from Adam and he shoots his smile.

"I'm assuming you know how sexy your arse is?" He asks and Kurt nods which earns him a laugh. Adam places his hands on Kurt's ass cheeks, massaging them apart and then together, repeating the motion for a bit. He reaches over into his nightstand and grabs something, Kurt assumes lube.

Adam goes to work, sliding his fingers in and out of Kurt as the boy moans, whimpers, and thrashes under him. "Leaving this on?" He asks, lips moving against Kurt's t-shirt clad shoulder.

"Y-yes." Kurt replies, his voice high and soft. He calms when he feels a sweet kiss pressed to his shoulder, grateful for the immediate acceptance of his request.

"Are we doing it like this?" He asks when he has Kurt stretched around his fingers.

"What do you want?" Kurt breathes out.

"This is fine, but I wouldn't mind seeing that gorgeous face."

"Okay." Kurt says and gives a reluctant sigh when Adam wiggles his fingers out, helping Kurt flip over.

Kurt stares up at him, biting his lip. Apparently having his ass on display makes him feel less vulnerable than to have his erect cock standing proudly for Adam to see.

"Gorgeous." Adam says again and wraps a hand around Kurt's cock, giving a few jerks, which has the boy whining for more. He releases him to pick up the condom, tearing the package open. Kurt watches intently as Adam rolls it on his own rather large cock with a hiss, he'd never used those with Blaine.

"You don't have to." Kurt tells Adam at the hiss. "I'm clean, I've only ever been with Blaine."

"I haven't though." Adam says with a soft smile and then he's positioning himself at Kurt's entrance. Kurt takes a deep breath and closes his eyes letting his head fall back. The sex was amazing. It wasn't sloppy at all, Adam knew exactly what he was doing and fucked him with purpose. He came harder and faster than he ever had before. Adam didn't mind this, Kurt knew because of the praises and cursing he breathed out as he kissed all over Kurt's face.

"You know, Blaine and I used to laugh about how straight people had it all wrong and that it was homophobic to assume 'tops and bottom' but honestly, with Adam, I am a proud bottom." Kurt tells Santana a few days after when she decides she's now living at the loft.

"Could have kept that one to yourself, but I can't say that I'm not some what proud of you for getting out there and getting some." She tells him from where she's lounging in the chair next to the couch.

"Why, thank you." Kurt smiles proudly, turning his head to look at her from where he's laying on the couch, legs resting against the back, head dangling off the edge of the seat.

"I thought you'd be too prissy for a one nighter, or sorry." She says, holding up a defensive hand. "What are you guys? Fuck buddies?" She asks.

"No." Kurt says over her, giving a stern look. "We're together." He smiles.

"So soon?"

"Well, I really like him. I guess I'm lucky."

"Lucky? More like naïve." Kurt frowns, flipping over, causing him to fall off the couch.

"Am not." He all but whines.

"Are too, who goes from a relationship like the one you and Dorito brows had to another in-what? A week?" She scoffs and Kurt nods, staying silent. "Listen, I may not have the best track record, but when it come to my love life, I actually do like some commitment." He raises his brow at that. "Brittany killed me and if I were to be with someone else right now, I'd probably end up killing them."

It almost hurts that Adam is so incredibly kind when Kurt asks him to put the relationship on hold.

"I said that I'd do whatever you wanted." He shrugs and gives a warm smile.

"I know, and I really wanted this, but...it's naïve to think I can just jump into another relationship right after Blaine." Kurt explains.

"I get it, I really do." Adam replies, threading his fingers into Kurt's hair to brush it back, before moving in to place a sweet kiss on his forehead. "But-uh...you could have addressed this _before_ I took you to bed again." He whispers and they spend the rest of the day naked in bed as friends.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt knows when his father tells him that he has chosen the perfect outfit where they are on their way to. He has had an inkling of course. Rachel is awful at hiding things and Santana was acting all worried when he said that he and Blaine were back together 'for now'.

His heart breaks for the second time in his life while his father drives him to the impending proposal. He tries to voice his opinions to tell his father-the man who loves him more than anyone else in the world and the man who _he _loves more than anything else-that he's not ready, that they're only high school sweethearts and that Blaine just might not be the one, but Burt just keeps driving and even taps into Kurt's heart by mentioning his mother. What hurts Kurt the most is that he is being played. He's being forced into something and he is sure that his heart is shattering into pieces. His father thinks that he can't do any better than Blaine. He thinks that Blaine is all Kurt will ever get, or at least the best that he will ever get. Kurt doesn't cry, he's too numb to.

The proposal is lavish and down right obsurd, but very Blaine, and Kurt can't help but look upon it fondly. It's not that he doesn't love Blaine, because he does and he always will. Blaine was his savior for a while. Blaine was, and who is he kidding, still is-even after cheating, the perfect specimen. He felt like he did Blaine how he felt about Finn when they first met and it was okay, no one yelled at him for having an obvious crush on him because _he_ was actually gay.

He says yes, because Blaine's speech is probably true, and his father is probably right, there's no one else out there for either of them. They're simply meant to be. No matter if he says yes now or later, he'll end up with living a life with Blaine Anderson. He will probably hold down fort in some upstate New York suburb and Blaine will go to the city and maybe teach at NYADA. The picture is so clear that it almost makes him physically sick.

"God you're lucky, Kurt Hummel." Mercedes sighs that night. They all planned a sleepover at Rachel's house and it feels comfortable and safe, but for some reason seems to only add to the queasy feeling still present in Kurt's stomach.

"Blaine is indeed a prince." He smiles politely.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Santana drones from where she's laying on Rachel's perfectly made bed, her head hanging off the end to still be in the circle they had all formed on the floor. "It's all so romantic, but I just can't wait till the bachelorette party." She smirks and Kurt laughs and matches it, not even minding her insinuation that he's female, maybe it's heterophobic buts she's the only one that he doesn't mind saying these things.

"Yeah, where we do exactly what we're doing right now?" Mercedes laughs.

"No!" Rachel chirps in. "We should go to a karaoke bar! We'll all be twenty one by the time we have it."

"I don't know, I was thinking something with caged strippers and penis shaped shot glasses." He muses and there's a collective gasp, even from Santana before she bursts out laughing and Rachel hits her head lightly as Mercedes does the same to Kurt.

"Speaking of shots!" Santana transitions in an excited tone, rolling over to ruffle through her bag, producing a large bottle of tequila a moment later. "Courtesy of Mama Lopez." She sings as she presents it.

"I don't drink." Mercedes chuckles as Rachel shakes her head and holds her hands up in omisson.

"Come on, never have I ever, if you've done it then you drink." Kurt says, and they all look at him strangely again, and he really cannot blame them, he's not quite sure what has gotten into him.

"You're on Hummel."

Santana drinks for having a threesome.

They both drink for giving oral sex in a public place, and then again for receiving it.

Kurt drinks for being fingered while watching a movie with friends.

They both drink for having anal sex.

Santana drinks for having sex with a girl.

They both drink for having sex with a boy.

And now Kurt is drunk and laughing hysterically as he rolls from side to side on the floor when they all go insane after he tells them that most everything that he drank for were done with Adam and not Blaine.

He sneaks out of the house that night and walks all the way to Blaine's. He has a key to let himself in because The sound of the door bell gives Blaine's mother anxiety. He makes his way to Blaine's room quietly and covers his mouth to hold in his giggles when he sees Cooper standing in the hall way, looking at him with a smirk.

"Why weren't you at my proposal?" He asks in a whisper.

"I just got in two hours ago. It's five in the morning, you know?" Cooper replies, walking closer. "Are you drunk?"

"It was _not_ that time when I left." He giggles again. "A little bit." He answers.

"Fuck, and you drove here!" Cooper hisses and Kurt frowns because being yelled at when drunk just really sucks.

"I walked."

"That's worse!"

"Can I lay with you?" The words are out before he even gives thought to them.

"Lay with Blaine, dear." Cooper rolls his eyes and points to Blaine's room.

"Aww, you don't want to cuddle your brother in law?" He pouts and turns a fraction to wiggle his butt at Cooper, and somewhere in the back of his head he's kicking himself for this.

Cooper is silent for a long moment and he looks sad and it makes Kurt feel ashamed. Finally he gets some type of affection when the older man wraps an arm around him and steers him to Blaine's door. "He's a good kid, Kurt." He whispers into his ear before going off to his own room.

Blaine is all smiles when Kurt wakes him, like he sees it all as some romantic gesture that Kurt would come and wake him in the morning with sweet love. He doesn't even realize that Kurt is drunk, attributing the roughness to the 'passion between them' when Kurt fucks him hard into the mattress.

The first thing that he does when he gets back is go to see Adam, and his heart hurts when he takes everything so well. "You know what I think?" He asks.

"What's that?" Kurt whispers and cuddles deeper into his side.

"I think that you two must really be in love." And Kurt kind of wants to punch him for some reason that he refuses to think too strongly about. "You know? You guys are like the couple that will always be and I'm glad that you guys aren't denying that." He shrugs and kisses Kurt hair. "You're lucky to have that, kitten." Kurt says nothing.

He spends the night at Adam's, but this time they watch British TV and movies instead of having sex and Adam is so entertaining that it's almost just as fun. When he wakes he's still laying in Adams arms and he leans his head up to look at the handsome boy. He had taken everything so well, he cuddled, he didn't even try to make any advances and he praised Kurt for being engaged instead of judging him. Kurt's stomach sinks as he thinks over the night and he realizes that Adam is..._sweet_. Sweet like Blaine, sweet like his relationship with his father, sweet like Rachel and Mercedes, sweet like glee club, sweet like his whole fucking life.

He runs from the apartment, he runs and runs and runs till his legs tire. He ends up on some seedy corner store where goes to buy a water. Whren he get to the counter, his eyes wander from the clerk to look over the boxes of cigarettes in there organized columns, and bites his lip.

"This all?" The older woman, Melva her name tag reads, asks in her raspy voice.

"Uh, ye-no." He stutters, still a bit out of breath. "I need some cigarettes."

"Sure what kind?" She turns to the rows.

"I uh, the uh...the kind..." He tries looking over them but has no idea what anything means.

"Here, have a classic." She smiles and shoots him a wink as she plucks a yellow box of American Spirits from the row.

Kurt thanks her and blushes before he walks out the door. He goes to the side of the building, letting himself fall back against the brick wall. He takes out one of the cigarettes and thanks Melva again in his head for reminding him to buy a lighter. It takes him a few tries to flick it on and he feels as though he's going to be yelled at when other people walk by.

He closes his eyes and lets the smoke wash over him, just holding the burning cigarette in his fingers, breathing in the smoke that swirls out from it's burning end as it surrounds him.

"Never took you as a smoker." A familiar voice says and Kurt startles when he opens his eyes to see Sebastian Smythe thin and handsome face.

"Sebastian!" He gasps and Sebastian cocks his head. "What are you doing here?" He asks and Sebastian laughs.

"Same thing you are, idiot. I live here." He explained. His words are so far from sweet but they make Kurt smile wide and toothy, his chest jumping with giggles.

Sebastian just narrows his and plucks the cigarette from his finger, bringing it to his own lips and takes an expert drag. Kurt a eyes follow the smoke as he exhales, eyes wide and mesmerized, his smile still set in place. "What the fuck are you so happy for?"


	3. Chapter 3

[Thank you guys so much for the feed back! Please keep it coming! I know that this chapter took way too long, I've been on vacation and couldn't post it by mobile. Hope you all like it!]

To Sebastian: "Oh my god, you are unbelievable, Sebastian!"

To Kurt: "unbelievably attractive!"

To Kurt: " Kurt, why do you do things? How does your mind work?"

To Sebastian: "I didn't want to hurt her feelings!"

To Sebastian: "You cried all night and sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow to your cat?"

To Kurt: "That's exactly what I did and my cat loves the shit out of me and I sounded amazing, so I stopped crying."

To Kurt: "It's all about sex, Kurt. Don't you understand that? We can't even hide behind baby making like the straights. We are the most sexual being of them all."

To Sebastian: "Sex is great and boy's are hot, but I just want to be a person. Sex can be a part of that, but for heaven's sake, let me just be a person!"

To Kurt: "Best fuck you've ever had?"

To Sebastian: "Adam. I dated him for literally only one day. It was when Blaine and I split."

To Sebastian: "The guy he cheated with is Eli C. Go look at his FB, he seems like creep, even more so than you."

To Kurt: "Hmm, if he looks anything like his profile pic he's tall, thin and pale, just like you!"

They text. They text _a lot_, but that's really it. Sebastian has picked him up from his apartment a few times and they had coffee. He can't help but think adoringly of Sebastian now, the fact that he comes all the way to the apartment to walk with Kurt to the coffee shop is a little ridiculous and he complains to Sebastian but he'd be crushed if he ever stopped.

Rachel hasn't even spoken to Sebastian once, she hasn't even run into him yet, but she hates him. She strikes up a caty argument with Kurt about their new companionship from time to time, but mostly they just don't speak of it.

Sebastian is on his way over when Blaine calls and Kurt is set on ignoring it because he just doesn't have time to answer, but then Santana says something. "Hey, lover boy is looking for some sexy phone talk, are you ignoring him?" She asks and although the words sound normal for her, her tone is a bit too flat and he knows that she is asking for a reason.

"No." He says just as flat and they share a look, both their eyes wide and it comforts Kurt that she cares enough to be scared for him. He takes the call after a moment and brings it into the room as Blaine starts ranting.

"It's just that he should respect me, I'll be his brother in law!" He practically whines.

"He's the teacher, Blaine. He wants to...excercise his authority. I think that this is good for him and maybe you - it's good for you too." He explains in the calming tone he always uses when dealing with Blaine's ego.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Blaine asks and he sounds cute and pouty and that makes Kurt smile. "You know, you're my fiancé now, Kurt. You're supposed to stick by me, he's not even your real brother." He follows up with, and any sweetness then is gone.

"Right, I have to go my friend is taking me for coffee."

"What friend? Adam?" Blaine asks and Kurt's nose burns and his throat tightens but he takes a deep breath before he actually gives in and cries. He doesn't know why he does, and is too afraid to give it any thought, so he lets himself get angry.

"I have to go Blaine."

"It is him." Blaine laughs bitterly and it's something that Kurt has seen him do to Cooper or Mr. Anderson, or even Sebastian a few times, but never to himself.

"No." He answers, his voice sharp and bitchy. "And he is my friend and you don't have to know who he is because he is mine," he snaps and hangs up.

He whimpers and falls back onto his bed and he doesn't know what he's just done or why he's done it. There had been times that he freaked out on Blaine, yes, but he'd never been possessive over his things, especially his friends. In fact he was sure that all of them preferred Blaine over himself.

He groans and rolls over onto his side. Even Sebastian likes Blaine better, Sebastian who wasn't sweet like his other friends. He's jealous and that kills him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Again he's saved by Sebastian, but this time he can't stop his thoughts as quickly and he speaks.

"Why do you like Blaine?" he asks. Sebastian's right brow pops and he crosses his arms.

"Easy to talk to, musically inclined, and, well . . . ass." Kurt chuckles and nods.

"I'm not trying to steal him from you, if that's what you're worried about," he adds and flops down beside Kurt. "I've passed the fuck-every-warbler phase, now I'm on the fuck-hot-guys-with-money phase," he went on.

Kurt can't really register what Sebastian has said right away, focused too much on the warmth that is radiating from him, and the fact that he is in his bed.

"I have no money." Kurt says, and he really needs to work on his filter, because as of late he seems to be losing it.

Sebastian just looks at him with a quirked brow. "You've gotten weird," he states, and Kurt frowns.

"I'm just me," he insists. Because even though he is lost and his emotions are jumping all over the place, he has never felt more like himself.

"You've changed though," Sebastian explains. "Or you _are_ changing at least."

Kurt's head falls to the side and he finds that Sebastian is already looking at him, and that makes his cheeks flush a bit. "You have too," he tells him. "You're nicer and you're hanging out with me."

"Nah." Sebastian shakes his head. "I'm just growing up. You're actually changing." The words carry weight and Kurt can't really figure out why, so he pockets the information in the back of his mind and they head out.

"So, do you like being a New Yorker?" Kurt asks once they have taken a table at the new coffee shop that their trying.

"Better than Ohio." He shrugs.

"That's it?" Kurt scoffs. "I thought that you'd love New York."

"A bit cold," he shrugs again.

"You're amazing, is anything good enough for you?"

"I like flaws" Sebastian says, and Kurt cocks his head at the unexpected answer. "But I'll still point them out, New York has cold winters, I like summer."

"Fair enough." Kurt says slowly. "I don't like summer."

"Why not?"

"The clothes are ugly, it's too bright, it's too . . . happy." Sebastian laughs at this.

"Better watch yourself, you'll go down a dark path and it takes a long time to find your way back."

"Stop saying things that I need to think about." He grumbles.

Kurt calls Blaine on the way into his apartment, he had been thinking about it since Sebastian's 'advice' back at the shop, but Sebastian refused to let Kurt walk home by himself.

"Kurt." Blaine answers, his tone worried.

"Blaine." Kurt says back, leaning against the brick wall beside the door. "I'm sorry, honey, I was just moody earlier," he explains, "Growing up seems to be harder than it looks."

"It's okay, I get it," Blaine says understandingly, "but just . . . don't just hang up on me and then ignore me. You've been a grown up for a long time, sweetie, I'm still getting there," he says and Kurt's brows twist into a puzzled expression. "I don't want to do . . . what happened last time again, okay?"

Was he threatening cheating? Was he trying to make Kurt feel bad? Was he trying to make himself feel better about it, by placing blame on Kurt again? Or was he just so self obsessed that he really thought after an argument he could just run into someone else's arms and have a reasonable excuse.

"Yeah," he says slowly, "Goodnight, Blaine. I'll talk to you tomorrow." He hangs up without waiting for a response.

"Sebastian again, Kurt! Really?" Rachel yells the moment he walks in. She's wearing lounge clothes and her hair is up. That's usually when she's the nicest, so Kurt doesn't go right to fighting back just yet.

"Yeah, we're not in high school anymore, remember," he teases and goes into the kitchen to stand beside her as she makes a smoothie.

"I don't like him," she shakes her head, "and it . . . it seems strange that you're hanging out with a single gay guy, known for his slutty ways, and still with Adam," she says, "I just hope Blaine knows all of this, mister". The playful 'mister' is meant to keep Kurt from getting angry - but it doesn't work.

"Are you kidding me, did you forget that Blaine had sex with some Facebook guy, and did you forget that you cheated on my brother with an actual man whore?" Her eyes snap up and Kurt wants to take it all back.

"Wow!" She says, her eyes already wet.

"I'm being bitchy because I had a little fight with Blaine," he says quickly, and reaches out to take her hand.

"Do you really think what I did with Brody was bad?" she asks and he wants to laugh at how selfish she is, how selfish they all seem to be.

"No," he whispers instead, because he can't yet find it in himself to be like that. "Sorry." She nods and squeezes back.

"I shall mind my own business."

"Good!" Kurt smiles and kisses her cheek. "Because I'm totally going to sleep at Adam's tonight."

"What?" She chirps.

"Movie night, shut up," he laughs. "We're going to be drinking, and I'd rather not head home drunk".

"Be careful with that," she mutters and gives a stern look - but says nothing else. He didn't really have anything planed with Adam, he was actually afraid that the man may not even be home.

It takes a moment for him to muster up the courage to knock, which is stupid, because he's sure that Adam is his best friend-best boy friend at least. Finally he knocks, and gives a shy smile when Adam answers.

"Unexpected!" Adam says after staring at Kurt for a good few minutes.

"I didn't want to be with the girls tonight," he explains. Suddenly this doesn't feel like a good idea and he feels really stupid standing there with his overnight bag.

Adam looks him over before smiling his usual bright smile and stepping aside to let him in. "Something happen?" he asks.

"Just missed you," Kurt shrugs and makes his way to Adam's couch, setting his bag down.

"Sleeping over?" Adam asks, eyeing the bag.

"I usually do," Kurt points out, and he can't seem to meet Adam's eyes.

"When we drink," Adam chuckles. "You want to drink on a Tuesday?"

"I don't know," Kurt says hurriedly and picks at his cuticles, feeling a bit like a little boy getting in trouble.

"Well it's just that you've randomly come over on a Tuesday to sleep here, and this has kind of been a habit every weekend...and now Tuesday." He says slowly.

"Do you want me to leave?" Kurt snaps, crossing his arms over his waist and narrowing his eyes at Adam.

Adam sighs and leaning his elbow against the wall next to him "No." He says finally. "I just . . . never mind." He shrugs. "Let's watch some TV."

They watch Downton Abby and repeat almost every line to each other because it's hysterical for some reason.

"Getting tired," Kurt says in a yawn and snags the throw blanket off of the back of his couch, draping it over himself and curling into Adam's side. He's met with something he is not at all used to with Adam. He's still and and uninviting.

Kurt's eyes flick over to view the man's face - and it's stony, but those eyes are still so telling, and they look pained.

"Adam?" Kurt whispers and it's quiet for a long moment until Kurt pulls away.

"I love you, kitten," Adam smiles softly and Kurt's lips quirk into a weary smile. "And I'd never want to not have you in my life." He goes on and Kurt closes his eyes tightly, trying to shield himself from the hurt and embarrassment coming his way.

"Adam?"

"You come here all the time, we have a cuddle, we flirt, you get a bit handsy sometimes, and we both know it." He chuckled, but Kurt doesn't respond well to it, "I can't have you pretending that we're still us, that we still have potential. You're engaged, Kurt."

Kurt opens his eyes finally, but he doesn't dare glance at Adam. He stays silent and pushes the man's hand off of his thigh when he tries to comfort him.

"I should go," he decides, wiping a tear that had escaped and ran down his cheek.

"No." Adam says quickly, and reaches out to hug Kurt into him.

"Stop, I'm engaged," Kurt mutters, and his voice is sarcastic and he's not sure if he meant it to be.

"You're my kitten, I love you," he kisses Kurt's hair. "You're one of my best friends and I'm not letting you leave, just no more pretending that you're an option for me, okay?" Kurt only grunts, and the rest of the night is spent glued to the other side of the couch until they eventually decide to go to bed, where he sleeps alone in Adam's room.

To Sebastian: "Adam won't cuddle with me," Kurt texts from Adam's bed. The bed feels only slightly less lonely than his own when Adam's not there beside him.

To Kurt: "The British guy who fucked you to heaven?"

To Sebastian: "Oui Monseiur."

To Kurt: "Stop flirting with me! God, when did you get so slutty? Start jerking him off or something."

To Sebastian: "I'm in bed all alone though :(."

To Kurt: "And if he were there you would try? Aren't you engaged?"

To Sebastian: "Shut up."

To Kurt: "Sure. Now have a wank and get some sleep."

Kurt sighed and groaned a little, turning to face the wall in the dark room. Even Sebastian thinks he's an asshole. He doesn't know why he feels so guilty. It's not like he's done anything, no Blaine is the one who's done something, he's just being a boy. Boy's get tempted. Hell, look at Rachel, everyone gets tempted. This is a normal growing up problem, he's sure. The reason that it feels so strange is only because he's been a grownup for so long in every other aspect of his being. The conclusion he comes to is simply that sex and desire is scary. He jumps when the vibration of his phone breaks his thought, and his heart skips at the words.

To Kurt: "Come out with me. I can get you in anywhere".

To Sebastian: "Where?"

To Kurt: "A club, stupid".

Kurt bites his lip hard and kicks his legs frantically as if that will bring him to rational thought, and it works.

To Sebastian: "I'm engaged, stupid. Maybe when Blaine gets here, we'll all go together", he sends with a nod of optimistic acceptance, and finally gets a good night and guilt-free sleep.


End file.
